


Connected

by Mariechaan



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Beautiful Keith, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Sort Of, idek how to tag this im sorry, keith is confused and we need to protect kuron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-31 21:58:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12141981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mariechaan/pseuds/Mariechaan
Summary: Days go by since Shiro got rescued by Voltron. As routine goes, they free planets and rescue aliens, everything according to plan, until one day a voice inside Shiro's head confuses him with Black and starts to talk to him.





	Connected

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta'd because i sUCK AT ENGLISH so like.. have this and uhm that......

It started a few days after I got rescued, Shiro was trying to communicate with Black but instead did it with me. That's how I realized I’m actually a clone.

It’s not like the Galra told me I'm a clone, after all, they probably want me to act as natural as possible. It’s beyond me the way Galra think, so I can’t really conclude.

Regardless of their purpose, it’s still a shock when I realize I’m a clone, instead of the actual Shiro. I think part of me knew and didn’t want to accept it, but _hearing_ the actual deal confirming my fears gets me.

I don’t answer and Shiro eventually gives up. I’m splitting my head in two, thinking of what this means to me. He will eventually come back to his team and I feel like I don’t stand a chance against him… I also feel the rest of the paladins will be able to tell I’m not who they think I am.

I end up deciding that maybe it’ll be for the best to stay quiet and keep on going like nothing happened, I know it’s not the right way to handle this situation but I don’t know what else should I do.

A few days later, when everyone is sleeping, I head to my favorite room, the one where I can see the stars, and who can blame me, since I was a baby, the stars were the thing I loved the most.

I’m not surprised to see a graceful, lithe silhouette in the darkness, I kind of expected it even. It doesn’t matter to me. I’m used to Keith, by now and it’s recomforting to have him close.

“Hey, can’t sleep?” I ask him in lieu of greeting.

“Ah…” he sighs. “Not really, not lately.”

“Why?” I ask again but I already know it involves the future of the universe, the reason that keeps some of us awake all night.

“Just thinking… about how we got here.”

I don’t say anything, and just look at the stars. It’s not an awkward silence or anything. It’s just that I understand how he feels, it’s the same way all the paladins and maybe even Coran, feel. I’m not even sure how much time has passed but it sure doesn’t seem like a long time ago when I was… when Shiro was in the Garrison with Keith. And it’s been even less for Pidge, Hunk and Lance.

“You know,” he says and I look back to him. “I’m glad I found you and you’re okay.” That makes me laugh.

“I’m sorry I’m such a damsel in distress.” I joke, even if I want to tell him he only saved me once because I’m not the Shiro he thinks I am.

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“I know.”

* * *

 I go back to Shiro’s room and try to communicate with him. I’m not sure what to say. It’s not every other day that you realize you have a clone.

I know—Shiro knows? I have no idea how to refer to myself anymore, they were making clones, but I never thought they’d be successful. If Shiro and I still think alike, I don’t think he’s going to like the news.

I sit on the edge of my bed and clear my mind completely, I’m usually good concentrating but just thinking about the consequences of what I’m about to do, makes it hard.

I’m about to give up when I finally feel an echo in my mind, it’s the same I used to feel with Black, the one I don’t feel anymore but at least I know why, now.

_Black?_ He whispers in my head.

_No._

_Who are you?_ He asks me and if I didn’t know myself enough, I’d say I’m scared.

_I’m Kuron,_ I begin, that’s how I heard they called the clones. I’m not even thinking what to say or how to say it. For once I don’t want to be Shiro, I want to be myself, so I do the opposite Shiro would do, I don’t think about it and just say what comes to my mind. _Voltron saved me from dying in outer space._

He doesn’t say anything, so I continue. _I escaped from a Galra prison and landed in a planet where two beings gave me a ship so I could chase after Voltron—_

_Why were you chasing Voltron?_ He interrupts me. I wonder if he already recognized me. Our voices and minds are practically the same.

_Because I thought I was Shiro._ I deadpan and he stays quiet.

I think maybe he’s processing what I said, but after a few hours of not hearing anything from him, I give up on waiting and finally go back to sleep.

* * *

I don’t hear anything from him in days and stop trying to contact him again, I know he’ll come to me when he figures everything and I prove myself right when after a little bit more than a week later he talks to me first.

_How many?_ He asks me, and it takes me a while to understand what he means.

_I don’t know. I think I’m the only one._

_Do the others know?_

_No._

_Not even Keith?_ I don’t say anything.

_Not even Keith?_ He asks me again, harsher.

_I don’t think so._ If Keith thinks something is off with me, he hasn’t said anything. _Where are you?_

I know he doesn’t trust because that’s, again, the last I hear from him in a while.

My days pass by as normal as before I knew the truth. Sure, I see things differently and maybe I care less about my well-being but just the slight change in my personality has Keith asking me if I’m okay.

I like this, Keith worrying… it sort of reminds me of simpler days, Garrison days. Though, that time, he asked me when I was knee deep in assignments and projects, not neck deep in saving the universe affairs.

I still can’t connect with Black, he asks me about that too. Being the black paladin gave me a sense of being and course, when I couldn’t communicate with her the first time, Keith was the only one there for me and I thought it was because of the connection the both of us shared with her but now I know it’s just plain worry about a long-time friend.

I usually don’t need to hide what I think or feel to Keith, but now that I know I’m not Shiro, I’m trying to not let my emotions show as much. Lately, I try to look tough in front of him, I'm supposed to be the leader of the paladins of Voltron, but just looking at him makes me understand why he was Shiro's first and only choice.

I want to tell him everything, that I’m not Shiro, that I don’t know where he is, that I’m a Galra clone of his best friend, but I can’t. I'm scared of what he might think, of what he might say.

_Don’t you dare._ Shiro whispers in my mind.

_I won’t._ I can’t.

_Don’t touch him either._

_I don’t wanna hurt them._ I defend myself, I know that me staying here is just a trap and I’ve thought about running away but I can’t do that to them. They’re my family and I’ll help them fight the Galra even if it takes me my life.

_What are you trying to do?_ Shiro asks me.

_The same thing as you, I’m trying to save the universe._

_Get away from Keith and the rest to the paladins._ He threatens.

_I’m part of the team. We are._

_Get. Away. From. Them._

It’s pointless trying to reason with him. He must be worried sick about the team. I would be and we are the same person. Even now that I’m with them, I still worry. I want him to trust me, but he took the news worse than I expected, he’s not thinking right. I’ve never been one to judge people so easily, but he must think I’m not even a person.

It almost makes me laugh to picture him imagining me like some kind of evil clone who wants to kill every good person I see, starting with his friends.

“Hey,” Keith interrupts my train of thought. I look around me and realize I’m not in my quarters anymore, I’ve been walking around the castle and ended up coming to my favorite room, again.

“Hey,” I greet back, “you’ve been coming here a lot.” I don’t think I have the right to say that when most of my time is spent here, too.

“I know this is your favorite room, I’m sorry.” He apologizes but I understand too late why he does it. “Everything alright?”.

“You’ve been asking me that a lot, lately.” Not that I mind.

“C’mon, Shiro. You got captured by the Galra twice, already. That’s pretty serious stuff.”

“You’re a good leader,” I sigh.

“Complete unrelated,” He retorts smiling.

He is a good leader, though. Regardless of us being best friends, or me being his mentor or whatever, the way he worries about me… about the other paladins, is enough for me to see that he actually cares about us, and that’s what being a real leader is.

I look at him. He might not look like the real deal to other people, but no one more than me know how deadly Keith can be. After years of training, building his body and straining himself to exhaustion, it did pay off.

He’s been through so much and he still pulled through everything, I wish I had as much resolve as him… not only that but he looked for me, across the entire universe, and he found me… twice.

I feel a pang in my heart and think what I just said. He didn’t do that for me. He did it for Shiro and I’m sure he’ll do it again as soon as my façade fades.

“What’s wrong?” He asks me. But I just smile and he looks confused for a while but then he gives me a lopsided smile. He’s beautiful.

_You don’t want to hurt them, right?_ Shiro asks me and it startles me, luckily Keith didn’t notice. I excuse myself and practically run to my room.

_I want to help them,_ I reply trying to put all the feelings of protectiveness I have for them in every word.

_Don’t tell them. I need you alive._

That floors me. Not the first part because I already said I won’t tell them. The second does, a variety of thoughts go through my mind, torture and death.

_I don’t want to hurt you, either. Listen, I want to make a deal with you. Please don’t tell them anything, keep acting like you’re me. I mean, we’re basically the same person and we share goals and feelings._

I guess I could continue with the charade, but for how long? _What’s going to happen when you come back? There can’t be two of us. They’re going to kill me and if they don’t, the Galra will._

_I don’t know if I’ll be coming back._

I never thought of that, of Shiro never coming back. In my mind, there’s a person smart enough to figure what’s going on and to eventually fix whatever he puts his eyes on, be it killing me, turning me in and specially saving Shiro.

_Keith will find you._

_Not if he thinks I’m there with you guys._

_I can’t do it._

_Why?_

_He’ll figure._

Shiro stays quiet but then, _think about it,_ he says.

I do think about it… the implications of what he’s asking me to do. There are two of us, if something happens to him, they’ll never find out because I’ll be here with them. I might not be able to pilot Black but they don’t really need me when they have Keith. He’s always been better than me piloting and I can help them from the castle, like Coran does and like Allura used to.

I’m not going to lie, thinking about giving my place to Keith forever makes me feel a bit queasy, but it goes away when I see how much they have improved, and a helping hand on the castle who can give them a different point of view of the situation, does come in handy. Plus, I’ll be safer that way and I’m sure Keith will love that. So, I make my decision.

_I’ll do it with one condition._ I finally tell Shiro.

_That wasn’t part of the deal._ He replies immediately.

_I haven’t agreed to anything, yet._

_Fine._

I breathe in and then breathe out. _I’ll do it if you also promise to try to stay alive. If something happens to me, I want you to come back to them and to Keith who has done so much for us. He doesn’t deserve any of this and I don’t want to know what he’ll do if I die._

_If you actually die_ , he says, _I won’t know. Even if I did, it could take me years to go back. I could die too._

I know. So much could go wrong but I still need him to promise me this. Maybe to give me peace of mind or because I know it could work but one way or another, I really need this.

_Please,_ I beg.

_Okay. Let’s try to stay alive, for Voltron, for Keith. But please keep me updated with what’s going on there._ He says and I finally breathe properly.

We keep on talking the rest of the night. He reassures me he’s okay but never tells me where he is. He’s afraid of me saying something by complete accident, which we both know won’t happen but I give him the benefit of the doubt.

I tell him about Keith leading Voltron. I can’t help the way my chest puffs with pride and I swear I feel him do the same. I also tell him about Lance, all the progress he’s had and how Red accepted him, this time I’m able the hide the, maybe, jealous feeling I get when I think about Lance being Keith’s right hand now. But I go back to pride because Keith is now the leader and he has a right hand he can trust, besides me.

When he asks me, who’s piloting the Blue lion, I can’t believe I hadn’t told him.

The next weeks pass the same way, me briefing him of our missions, and him still not telling me where he is. When it takes him a while to answer I get worried. He was right, there’s no way for us to tell if something bad happens to the other. It’s worst for me because he still won’t tell me anything at all, not only about his whereabouts. I don’t know who is he with, what’s he doing or what’s happening on his end. Hell, he could be in an alternative reality and I’d be none the wiser. I can’t blame him, though. I’d be the same. But alas.

* * *

The worst part about being a clone and knowing you are one is not being sure if the things that used to be normal are right. I try to keep the team spirited and give them guidance but that’s what the Black Paladin, leader of Voltron Shiro used to do. I’m not that person anymore and Shiro isn’t either.

The Black Paladin is still the leader of Voltron, it’s just not the same person. It’s only thanks to Keith, the actual leader, that I still feel part of the team. He’s always there for me and I don’t mean he’s there for me when I feel bad, he is _always_ there.

It’s laughable, I feel like he’s just worried I might disappear like I always do. I honestly think I’m being babysitted, but he says I’m exaggerating. I’d like to say more but I’ve been weak for Keith’s truthful smile since I can remember, so I never get to retort.

I like it, though. The leader of Voltron Keith. Last time we spent so much time together was when we were in the Garrison and he helped me study, asking me questions from flashcards I made for myself and proofreading my essays and reports.

I want to think he likes us being together, that he also misses those times but maybe I’m just trying to feel more like Shiro.

He hasn’t said anything, part of me is sure he knows I’m not his Shiro, part of me prays he doesn’t. I like being Shiro, I’m convinced I’m Shiro, I think he wants me to be Shiro.

It doesn’t come to me until a few weeks later that I might like him, in a romantic way. That I’m desperate for being Shiro because right know Shiro is the most important person to him and now I’m scared.

Of the way I feel, of him finding out I’m not Shiro, of being too transparent, of Shiro being able to figure my feelings.

But are they really my feelings? Can I tell for sure that I didn’t have these feelings until now? What if it’s just something I developed with time? That they are not mine but something I got from Shiro?

At end, it comes down to the same, Shiro’s feelings or mine, I like him and I don’t know what to do. I can’t just stop. And telling him is out of the question. To him I’m only his mentor and right now the universe is the priority.

I don’t know how long more we’ll have to fight, I don’t know which of us will come out of this victorious, I don’t know what’s going to happen to this body, I don’t know if Shiro will come back, I don’t know so many things.

_Kuron. Calm down. What’s going on?_

I’m hyperventilating, I didn’t notice and I can’t believe Shiro could tell. This only tells me that we’re more connected than what I thought and now I don’t feel safe in my own head anymore.

_What’s going on?_ His voice echoes in my head.

_Can’t you tell?_

Silence and then, _I want to pretend I don’t._

Should’ve known he’d say that. I want to know if these feelings are mine but I’m afraid I won’t get an honest answer from him. We’ve forever been the type of person to put everything before ourselves, even our wellbeing, that’s part of what makes us a ‘good leader’, we care about others way more than what we care about us. But just for once, I don’t want to be a role model, or a leader or a mentor. I just want to be selfish enough to know if I like him because of how beautiful he is to me or because Shiro loves him.

I want to do something, to make him mad and get answers, I want to do the most un-Shiro-like thing, but I’m as Shiro as the real thing so I just repress it as much as I can and try to move on with my life. I’m sure it’s going to be okay.

* * *

I’m a fucking mess.

Now that I’m sure I like Keith, I can’t stop thinking about him. I keep noticing things he does, the way he pouts or laughs, how his eyes close a little when he smiles, the almost invisible freckles all over his face and mostly that he definitely plays favorites with the team and I’m definitely the first one on that list.

Not only that but I see now that I used to do the same, I think I still do. As unbiased as I pretended to be, Keith is the only one who knows the real me, because I let myself be in front of him, I don’t hide my weakness or keep my feelings bottled up, not until now, anyway. I’m completely sure I didn’t develop _this_ in the few months I’ve been with them… with him, this comes from somewhere else. You can’t win someone else’s trust so fast, and this is the same concept.

Keith and I have history, of all the people on this ship, we know each other the most, our bond runs deeper than that of friendship or siblinghood, it’s not wishful thinking, I get proof of it every single day I’m next to him. The pangs of jealously I get every time I remember Lance is his new right hand and the pride I feel just looking at him, and then I can’t believe I’m this dense, and how I didn’t notice I don’t feel all that because I like him, but because I _love_ him.

I love him so bad, I’m willing to risk my own life, given to me by the enemy, so he can find the real Shiro and be happy, as happy as I am right now that I know I love him. This situation is beyond absurd because I don’t know if Shiro will come back, I don’t know if he loves Keith like I do, I don’t know how much this body can hold or the hold I have on it but the giddiness I feel because of Keith, can’t even compare to everything happening around me.

I want to tell him how much I love him, I want him to love me, too, to at least give me a chance or just let me be by his side… but I can’t.

_Why?_ Shiro asks me and I’m embarrassed that he heard me talk about his childhood friend that way, leaving aside that I’m as alien as his best friend, or that we’re both men.

_You know why._ I pout unconsciously.

I can’t see him or read his mind like he does with mine, but I swear Shiro laughs. It’s a ticklish feeling that I can only traduce as him laughing.

_Well, you see…_ he starts _I love him, too. The same way you do. I’ve loved him since before Kerberos, or the Garrison. I know how you feel and the situation you’re in. You’re right about the jealousy part. You are way tamer than I am, though._ He doesn’t say anything more and I’m too astonished to reply. I’m still processing what I just heard when he talks again. _Tell him._

_Shiro,_ I start, though I’m not really sure what else should I say. I didn’t actually expect him to love Keith. Everyday I’m convinced I don’t know myself, my real self, like I thought. Just months ago, I was sure there was no other Shiro in this reality, weeks ago I thought Keith and I were nothing but mentor-mentee and seconds ago I finally figured nobody loved Keith more than me. I might not be completely wrong, but still.

_Please, do it. Tell him how much you love him. How much we love, just don’t mention the part where you’re a clone. You’re not a part of me, you are me, and no one but me knows Keith deserves to be loved._

I want to cry. Maybe in a different situation, I'd laugh because I made myself cry but right now, I swear I can feel Shiro's pain. It chills me to the core, my knees feel rather weak, it’s like going up a rollercoaster but at the same time I’m falling already. I’m choking up, the world around me is starting to get fuzzy and I want to puke.

_Where are you?_ Shiro says in my mind.

_I don’t know._

_Look around you._ I have no idea why he’s asking me that, I can’t think properly.

_I’m in my quarters._

_How does it smell?_

_What?_

_Answer me,_ he commands. He’s using ‘that’ voice we both know will make anyone do what we tell them to do.

_Like metal and antiseptic, sometimes it reminds me of the infirmary back at the Garrison._

_Good. Can you hear something else besides my voice?_

_There’s a whirring outside my quarters, It’s always there, barely noticeable._

_What do you think it is?_ He sounds genuinely interested.

_The castle, maybe. Space? I don’t know._

_I think it’s the energy of the castle, you know? Like the particle barrier, or just that damn space goo Coran gives us._ He says. _Man, I miss Hunk’s food. The things he does with the ingredients we find wherever we go, it’s amazing._

I laugh, we love homemade food so much, Hunk’s food is the closest to homemade here, while Keith is the closest to home. Sometimes I find myself completely okay with the situation we’re in… except for the part where we have to save the universe and all.

I’m not hyperventilating anymore. His method actually worked. I feel better, not completely but I’m breathing steadily and I’m calmer now, plus I can think, although my eyes sting because of the few tears I shed and I’m tired. Some part of my brain remembers that was a method used to help people with panic attacks. I never thought I’d have to use it in me, not even after I got captured by the Galra, I always had Keith to help me through panic attacks and PTSD. He used different methods, though.

_Are you going to tell him?_ Shiro says suddenly and with how battered I am right now, it makes me jump.

_I don’t know._ I want to, though.

_Why?_

_What if you come back?_ He doesn’t say anything for a long while and I wish I could see or hear what he’s thinking.

_We fight for his honor?_

Despite the stupid answer in the middle of a serious conversation, I laugh. It doesn’t last long when I hear someone knocking on my door and then Keith’s voice asking me if I’m here. I try to tell Shiro to help me because I’m still shaken up but he just disappears from my mind.

* * *

At the end, he just wanted to ask how I was holding up because I’ve been a little distracted lately, I assure him I’m okay but I know he doesn’t believe me, he sees right though me, it worries me more than what it makes me happy that he knows me so well. I knew he suspected something was off, but I’m glad it’s not as bad as I thought.

“Oh, by the way,” he turns around when the door opens and when he doesn’t step out, it closes again. “Do you know where Shiro is?”

As soon as the words leave his mouth, I feel the whole world stop around me, I’m once again going up and free falling off the rollercoaster. I’m frantically looking around me for something I can touch, or smell or see, I’m trying to remember everything Shiro said to me, to remember what I also know, but the only thing that comes to my mind is running away.

I know I won’t do it, I figured he’ll find out eventually but I never thought it’d be this soon, I thought I’d have had the time to think what to say or do but seeing what I really am and what Shiro’s been through, lucky is not something I’d describe myself with.

I don’t know how long I’ve been standing here without saying anything, with Keith in front of me, not moving a muscle, and for once I can’t tell what he’s thinking or what he’s feeling. There’s this part of my brain thinking how beautiful he is and while it’s not the right moment, I can’t help but think about it because I don’t want to lose him. I’ve said over and over that I’m not going to confess my true feelings but just thinking about being apart from him is like having a part of my body being ripped off, and I know what that feels like, but this time instead of my arm, it’s my heart.

“Keith…” I don’t know what to say or what to do, I know Keith is the type of person to stand his ground until he gets answers, that’s how he figured he was half Galra and that’s how I know he won’t go until I tell him the truth, the one I know, but how am I supposed to tell the person I love that I’m not the man he travelled galaxies for, that I’m not the most important person to him because I’m only… his clone.

“It’s okay,” he finally says and it takes me a while to realize he’s talking to me. When I don’t say anything, he continues. “Sometimes I can hear you guys talking, it’s only by mere chance that I heard the part where, you guys, talked about your true nature.”

“H-how?” I stutter and hate myself because of it.

“You and Shiro might be connected because you’re basically the same person, but Shiro and I are connected through Black. I think that him being so far away affected his connection with Black and that’s why he couldn’t reach her and ended up reaching you, the most similar being to him, but for some reason, that connection got me, too.”

It makes sense and I’d like to praise him for figuring all that but now I’m completely sure he knows more than what he should. “How much did you hear?”

“Just bits and pieces.”

“You’re not mad? With me, for lying? I know how important Shiro is for you. How do you know I’m not a spy?”

“I know you’re not, and don’t get me wrong. I very much would like to interrogate you, and when I first found out I wanted to rip you to piece,” I wince at that and he laughs, somewhat hurt. “But Shiro trusts you and so will I, but I’d like to know the whole story first and what, you guys, have been talking about, I’ve heard you mention my name several times, so I’d like to know.”

My face goes completely red. The heat is almost unbearable, I can feel it all the way to my ears and down my chest, I hope Keith doesn’t notice but seeing as he’s centimeters away from me, it’s impossible he doesn’t.

I sit on my bed and sigh before I start telling him everything I know, including how I got to Voltron and where I woke up before that. With every word that comes out of my mouth, I can see him deflating and his eyes going darker. His Adam’s apple going up and down when I tell him how Shiro first contacted me. Halfway our ‘conversation’, if you can call it that when I’m the only one talking, I want to shut up and tell him everything was a prank but I force myself to finish. Though I skip the parts where Shiro told me he loves him because he found out I’m in love with him, too.

“What are you thinking?” I ask him after he’s been sitting on my bed for half an hour after I finished talking. I can guess, though.

“I was hoping to be wrong, you know. That maybe I dreamed everything and that you’re _him_ and I’m just worried for nothing.” He scoffs.

“I’m sorry. I know how much he means to you. I’ll help you find him.” _I’m sorry Shiro but I need to help him._ I’m not sure if he actually heard me but I pay no attention to it when Keith looks at me and, rather harsh, says.

“No.”

“Why?” My hopes go unexpectedly up and I feel bad immediately.

“I’m sure he’s gonna be okay.” Before I can say something else, he runs to the door and I just see him go.

* * *

The next days, we finally get a break from saving the universe. For some reason Lotor isn’t on our back and we haven’t really gotten any big rescue calls, just a few here and there that Lance, Pidge and Hunk took care of by themselves.

Not having much to do also means we see each other less, every single one of us enjoying our peaceful time by ourselves. The only times Hunk comes out of the kitchen is to sleep and the time he took care of the rescue call. Pidge has been camping in her little lab for days now and Lance, well, he’s being Lance. As for Keith, since the last time we talked, I haven’t see him, at all.

I don’t have a clue as to how he’s managed to avoid me for so long, but he’s doing a spectacular job at it. It’s not until a week later, when we get a serious distress call, that I realize I’m the only one he’s been avoiding. He answers to me when I give them insight on the mission but aside from that, nothing. When I ask Lance what he thinks of the way Keith’s acting, Lance tells me he’s been completely normal, same with Pidge, Hunk, Allura and Coran.

I’m partly worried about how this will eventually affect the team. I’d like to say it’s a 50/50 situation but right now, what he’s doing affects me more, more than the fate of universe and once again, I feel bad.

I try to go to his room, to the training deck, hell, I even go to where Black and Red are, but I still miss him. I’m desperate and I have no idea what to do. I’ve asked Shiro for advice but he’s as clueless as me. None of us had gone through this before. While he’s gotten mad at Shiro more than once, it’s never been under this situation or this bad.

Thanks to my desperation and Shiro’s position as the ex-leader of Voltron, I get the clearance to enter Keith’s room. I don’t want to intrude his only safe place from me but I convince myself that have no choice.

I do have a choice, I know I do, this isn’t the right approach, this isn’t the right anything. I’m not thinking straight, I haven’t in a while, it just got worse after Keith found out about Shiro and I. I can’t even imagine what he’s gonna say if I ever confess, besides I don’t trust myself to now tell him Shiro loves him, too.

I wonder if it can get worse than him not talking to me if I do this. I wish I could at least feel angry or guilty when I see his face, but I don’t even get that, so I pull myself together and instead of just entering without his permission, I knock on his door. For a moment, I hear the rustling of bedsheets and feet on the floor but then, nothing.

“I know you’re there, Keith,” I tell him with shaking legs I’m glad he can’t see.

It’s not after a few minutes that the door finally opens. He looks different. He’s always been beautiful to me but right now… he doesn’t even look like the same Keith I know. His hair is greasy and sweaty, sticking to his forehead, the bags under his eyes are huge, he’s hunched over and maybe even thinner. I doubt he’s been sleeping lately and I sadly relate.

“Hey,” he says dully.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” good one, Shiro.

“I’ve been thinking. And,” he stops talking.

I want to ask him what he’s been thinking about, how can I help him, what can I do to make it better, a thousand and one thoughts to make him happy, but there’s not a lot I can do when I’m the one causing everything and going away will only make it worse.

I don’t say anything and he doesn’t say more either. Compared to our usual comfortable silence, this one feel heavy, like I could stretch my hand and actually touch it.

I want to do it, I want to stretch my hand because what I have in front of me is not dense palpable uncomfortableness but Keith. Beautiful Keith who’s usually in my dreams about earth. Beautiful Keith who protects me in my nightmares about space. Beautiful Keith who travelled the universe searching for me without losing hope. Beautiful Keith whom I’ve loved since I was born as Kuron and Shiro since he was still a student. Beautiful Keith who is now trembling and heaving.

“And, I c-can’t do this, Shiro,” he _sobs._

“Keith…”

“I can’t take this anymore. I’m not sleeping, I’m not eating, I can’t concentrate. I’m worried sick. I don’t know what to do with Lotor, there has been no signs of Zarkon, and now we don’t know where Shiro is. I don’t know what to do. You were wrong. I’m not a good leader.”

“Keith.”

“Shiro, no. I’m so confused… I don’t know if the real you is in danger or not because you don’t want to tell us anything, and the only person you talk to is… you-”

“Keith, stop,” I finally tell him. I don’t want to look hurt with all he said but I’m as transparent as I’ve always been with him. I know I’m not the real Shiro and it also worries me that he only talks to me and what little he does, it’s neither useful nor new. I understand how Keith feels, though. I’m worried, too. About Shiro, about Lotor and Zarkon, about the team, but I know I wasn’t wrong to pick Keith as the new leader. “Can’t you see why you’re like that?” I ask him but he only looks back confused. So, I continue.

“Being a leader doesn’t mean you have to know everything. Your worries are the worries of a real leader. It’s okay to feel bad sometimes, that’s what grounds you and lets you put yourself in the shoes of the people you are taking care of. It’s okay to be confused, none of us has gone through this situation before, we had no saying in what happened to us-”

“Shiro, you don’t understand,” he screams, interrupting me. “I… I think I’m… I think I’m in love with you.”

I stay speechless in front of him. I don’t know how to react. This is the only thing I’ve been dreaming of hearing for months now, but nothing comes to my mind. Not ‘what do you mean’, not ‘I love you, too’, not ‘Shiro loves you’, absolutely nothing. I don’t even try to speak because I know I won’t be able to.

“Shiro,” he whispers, “I love you, I don’t care if you’re not the real you. I thought I did but… every time I see you, talk to you, _touch you_ , it’s all him. It’s all you. I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

He’s heaving again. I see his shoulders rise and fall with every breath he tries to catch. I want to ask him why is he apologizing, why something like love that should make us happy has him crying and saying sorry over and over again. But, then I remember, I haven’t told him how I feel. I’m scared of what he could say. I want to feel happy about him loving me back, because he doesn’t love just Shiro, he loves me, too. He loves me like I’m his Shiro.

I feel something else within me, despite the guilt and the fear and the love, there’s something else. It’s a pull in my gut. It has me unconsciously reaching for Keith –I want to pretend I’m trying to fight it, but I’m not.

I reach for his shoulder with my right hand and he jumps a little. I look at him, searching for signs to stop what I’m doing but when I can’t see them, I move my hand to his neck and pull him closer to me.

Our lips are centimeters apart from touching, but then I stop. There’s an invisible wall between us, it has a name, my name, Shiro’s name. Keith looks at me expectantly and I feel another pull. Not in my gut but in my nape.

Keith’s hand pulls me towards him and I taste glory. It’s chapped and a little painful, but the taste is sweeter than I imagined. And I know it sounds stupid because our lips are only touching, he isn’t moving and I don’t dare to. I’m afraid he’ll jump apart if I do, even when I want to do it so much.

I want to grab his hips with my left hand and stroke his hair with the other. I want him to lie next to me while I reassure him everything will be alright. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and never let him go, but instead of that I end the moment. I gently push him away and don’t look up. I’m scared.

“Shiro?” he says softly.

“I love you, too,” I say in return and I’m proud of myself for daring to do it and not choking up, but I still won’t look at him.

After a couple of seconds, he grabs my Galra hand in both his hands. The little motion sends shivers down my spine and make me look up. He’s staring at me like I did minutes ago, searching for objection or regret or anything, he won’t find it, though. As guilty as I am, I don’t want him to stop, I don’t regret what I did and mostly, I won’t object or push him away.

“Hey,” he says and I grip his hands. “We need to find Shiro.”

My heart falls to my feet and I feel the food goo make its way up my throat. I know he notices because he immediately cups my face in his right hand and I’m not embarrassed to say I _nuzzle_ him. I know we need to find him, even when I promised him we weren’t going to do anything. It just hurts to hear Keith say it after everything that happened. So, I just nod.

“Thank you,” he says kissing my cheek and then walks to the door of his room to go out.

In a moment of weakness, in a way, before he exits the room I grab his hand and push him towards me and before I can regret this, I kiss him, again.

It’s not like our first kiss, it’s desperate and frantic, it’s teeth and tongue, it’s us not holding back.

By the time we finally let go of each other, we’re panting, trying to catch our breath. It’s hard for me because just the thought of Keith flushed and panting had me worked up in my dreams, having the real thing in front of me is ten thousand times worst.

He sits on the edge of his bed and pushes his hair back. I fight the blood rushing down and, for some reason I can’t fathom right now, I smile. He looks at me dumbfounded but then he smiles, too.

I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. I don’t know where Shiro is or if we’ll find him. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next 10 minutes, but right now, the only thing I care about is not a thing but a person. It’s the person I’ve loved for so long but never realized. The person I’d give my life and soul for if that means he’ll be happy. The person who grounds me and makes me feel safe.

I don’t care about anything or anyone but beautiful Keith, smiling while looking at me, beautiful Keith and his sweet kisses, beautiful Keith, and how I want to be by his side for as long as I can.

**Author's Note:**

> catch me [here](https://twitter.com/AllSheith) and [here](http://allsheith-notsorry.tumblr.com/)


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